Saturday, November 21, 2009

My New Moon Theater Experience

This is me, telling you what I feel, felt, loved, hated, about the movie. Totally from a Twi-Hard POV.Contains spoilers for those of you who haven't seen the movie. Beware, my thoughts are all over the place given I cannot put myself to without further ado....

1. The dream sequence at the beginning was possibly one of the best depictions of Bella's feelings towards her birthday at the start of the book. The word Epic comes to mind when I replay this scene in my head.

2. When Edward first appeared during the dream sequence, we "the ladies" went berserk and started hootin' and hollerin' for the presence Rob P. makes in this scene. That smile just melts my heart, and the way he looks at Old Woman Bella is priceless.

3. "Jasper! No fair with the mood control!" L.O.L. Love Jasper and the way he can say so little yet his words reach you. "Happy....never-mind".

4. A word to the Producers of New Moon...please get your act together when it comes to the hairstylists. Jasper's and Rosalie's hair wig things were WORSE than they were in Twilight. Seriously. That wig that Rob P. didn't want to wear, obviously got handed down to Jackson. Didn't you WATCH the horror that was Jasper's hair in the first one? The reason the boy looks like he's always in pain is because of the dead squirrel/racoon hybrid you guys pile on his head day after day. Did you maybe stop and think the reason why Rosalie's such a biatch is because of the peroxide number you make her wear? I know the bigger budget went towards the CGI wolves, but seriously, spending a couple extra hundred bucks on some decent hair extensions might have made Jasper not go after Bella on her B'day party.

5. What happened to the huge Cullen mansion? It looked like a box.

6. Billie Burke (Charlie) is a hot ladies man. I don't care if he's Bella's dad.

7.It's a tie between Billy Burke and Ashley Greene (Alice) on who portrays their character as if they were coming out directly from the book. Simply put, these two can act.

8. Taylor, Taylor, Taylor...what can I tell you that you haven't already heard? I sure am glad you didn't have to wear that God-awful wig throughout this movie. I was afraid it would get stuck on one of those dirt bikes you were working on. Have you not heard of on the job hazards? Hair nets are your friend my man. Just saying.

9. "I don't want you to come"..."You don't want me?"...."No"....Ugh, that still hurts. Thanks Edward. (1st cry)

10. October. November. December. Ugh, that still hurts. Thanks Edward. (2nd cry)

11. Jessica...."Yeah, those guys look great!" L.O.L. moment.

12. My Favorite Bella/KStew moment? The rain scene with Jacob when she first confronts him. She's actually ACTING and emoting something other than awkwardness. Way to go! I knew you had it in you.

13. Paul is hot. His wolf self isn't as good looking as Jacob's wolf, however, he still looks better than Sam's Yeti-looking wolf.

14. Sam's wolf looks like a Yeti. Didn't know if you caught that bit. It needs to be reiterated.

15. Victoria's hair ROCKED the HOUSE. However, her skin care regime needs to be questioned. Dirt is organic and all, but I'm sure you need a little water in order to get the effect you were hoping for. Just saying.

16. The wolf pack jumping off the cliff? Hot.

17. Victoria jumping off the cliff? Olympic-like graceful.

18. Bella jumping off the cliff? Pathetic.

19. Bella in the water...ugh, that still hurts. Thanks Edward. (3rd cry)

20. "What is that God-awful wet dog smell?" L.M.A.O.

21. "Don't go, please, I'm begging you, please"...Jacob honey, c'mon, get some dignity.

22. Edward's apartment in Rio? GROSS. OMG. He totally let himself go, and it looks like he wasn't even cleaning up after himself. I really wanted a book to explain "his" side of New Moon, since we really have no idea what he did, but this movie gave me CLOSURE. Thanks Chris Weitz, I owe you one.

24. What happened to 23? A rat in Edward's apartment ate it.

25. Damn, those muffins Emily made looked good.

26. Talk about adding insult to injury... Did you SEE the nice shot of the "Virgin" plane flying Bella and Alice to Italy?

27. Alice's Grand Theft Auto. Priceless.

28. Is one of Edward's nipples bigger than the other? All signs point to yes.

29. "I LIED, you believe me so easily" Duh.

30. Dakota Fanning stole the scene. The girl has presence. Excellent casting choice.

31. Ok, so did you laugh when Edward and Vamp Bella were running through the meadow? That was such a Jack-and-Jill-went-up-the-hill-moment. Everyone laughed when this scene played out in both theaters. I hated it. Could have totally done without it.

32. The Volturis were extremely well done on all accounts. Again, Dakota stole the scenes she was in, but they all did a very good job overall. Major creep factor, which was the point.

33. The humans screaming, wow, just like the book. I was waiting to see the lady with the bible, but she never came. Sad. It would have made that scene ever more poignant.

34. The sad puppy dog eyes that Jacob give Bella at the end were heartbreaking. Ugh, that still hurts. Thanks Bella. (4th and last cry)

35. Marry me. Ha! Edward, you have no idea the can of worms you've opened up. You're about to start taking her on play dates in Eclipse, you just don't know it yet.

So cynicism aside, I absolfreakinglutely loved this movie, and the company I had made the experience even better. C'mon June 30th! I'm ready for some Eclipse!

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